So, our move is now only about 2 1/2 months away. Um, what?! I cannot believe how quickly the time has gone. Now begins the task of finding an apartment in our new city. I am feeling a mix of excitement/fear/hope/dread about the process. We are extremely fortunate to have family in town who have offered to help as we are not able to look for housing in person. Craigslist is my new bff. The only problem is that for renters, such as our family, 2 1/2 months out is actually a bit too early to find a place. That does not sit well with this girl who does not enjoy living in unknowns.
I would never call myself a planner, but my goodness maybe I am. I can’t stand to live in the in betweens of decision making. I can be impulsive at times simply because I am not one to stew over choices, weigh pros and cons, and then make a thoughtful decision. My technique is more shoot first and then figure out what I’ve got to work with. Sometimes it’s good and other times not so much. I guess I’m just not a big fan of waiting. Do you like to wait? Whether it’s a line, for an answer, a result, or just to make a decision I find it really draining. I obsess and find it difficult to think about anything else in the in between time. Believe me, you do not want to hang out with me everyday when I am trying to make a baby. It’s all kinds of crazy. The Doc is so patient. Almost saintly in these moments as I ponder each twinge of my body, every slight feeling of nausea, certain I can determine whether or not a baby has in fact been created 12 hours after “relations.” I know, I’m all kinds of crazy.
But, it all makes me wonder what makes me so unable to live well during these times of uncertainty. Why can’t I look back over my life and realize that things have actually worked out, do not remain wiggly/wobbly uncertain forever, and that I survived the process? Maybe it has something to do with me liking to think that I am in control, when logically I know that clearly I am not. I trust God and trust that He knows far better than I do what is best. But I sure as heck do not act that way. When Jesus talks about not worrying (and by Jesus talking I mean in the Bible, New Testament, check out the book of Matthew right around chapter 6 beginning at verse 25) I think he was definitely talking to me. And, I don’t speak Greek, but I am thinking the word “worry” could easily have been translated to “obsess.” Check it out.
“Therefore do not worry (obsess) about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry (obsess) about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
So this is what I am working on, attempting to improve. Letting go, realizing that worry or obsession is a complete waste of my time, and realizing that it really is not in my hands. Good thing I trust the one who holds it in His.