Motherhood is totally glamorous. I mean, right? Where else do you get to spend so much time dealing with poop, being too scatterbrained in the morning to remember to brush your teeth/bathe/put on deodorant/or other personal hygiene rituals, wear other people’s leftover lunch on your clothing, and have half your wardrobe be ill fitting at any given time due to post partum or pregnancy body changes? That’s right, nowhere. I mean what is not to like, right!? All joking aside motherhood rocks, love it more than friends and am not planning on breaking up anytime soon. Alas, for what I hope will be your entertainment, I offer today some of the things about this amazing role of motherhood that I have not been enjoying so much lately. Here goes.
Underestimating how long my two year old can be civil until her next feeding
Overestimating how long said two year old’s bladder can hold urine
How impatient I can be
Making brownies without eggs and thinking subbing yogurt will be the same. It is NOT.
Having to tell four year old assistant chef that said brownies are too “weird” to take to school to share with her teachers
Finding a two year old in her crib, poo encrusted pull-up in hand (maybe I should feel lucky she hadn’t started to finger paint with it?)
Rainy days with no plans
Head bumps, fingers slammed in doors or basically any random injury that befalls my children
Seeing said children cry
Days when I go hours without telling my girls how amazing they are
Comparing myself to other moms who I think dress better, parent better or are cooler
Focusing my frustrations into a bowl of ice cream
When my $3.00 latte tastes like an old burned ash tray (though I haven’t actually tasted that)
Molé’s current nudist phase (even though her little tush is insanely cute)
Being asked when I’m going to “go back to work” as if I’m not working my PATOOTY off right now
Wondering if my boobs will ever grow back
Trying to explain for the thousandth time what an “edge” on a puzzle piece means and why it only goes in certain places
Being surrounded on all sides while trying to take care of business in the bathroom
Cooking dinner with two small people attached to my legs
And just in case I forgot, whining.
So there you have it. Those small parts of the day that often make me wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. Good thing if I had to make a list of the things I do like right now it would be easily about five times as long. This list pales in comparison to the joy and delight I experience on a daily basis, even amidst whining, as a mom to these two little girls. What random things are you not liking these days? You know I’d love to hear…