Can I get a “what what” from anyone out there who has an intense child? If you are thinking to yourself, “hmm, do I,” than no, no you do not. My beautiful BQ has been intense since her first breath on this earth. I had no idea why she cried so much when she was a newborn, or refused to just “nap” in the stroller as I went about my business as other babies did. The more she grew and the more she developed as a person the more I finally understood why these early months were so difficult. She’s simply intense. She knows how she wants things done and is not afraid to express herself. Not completely unlike her mother. She likes order, structure, and what’s known. If the schedule is going to be thrown off, I better be on my game with a nice prep period so she knows what’s up. Itchy tag on a shirt, yep that’s gonna ruin the day. Socks that are “twisty twisty” yikes. A malfunctioning toy, goodnight head for the hills people it’s going to get ugly! She is intense. And somedays that intensity drives me quite close to insanity.
So what is a mother to do? How do we parent children who have personalities that at times can make them harder to parent? How do we not start to “prefer” the child who goes with the flow, wakes up smiling with kisses, and doesn’t cringe when we try to offer affection? For one, we work hard, and two we choose to celebrate. What I’ve decided is that I have two amazing little girls, very different little girls, but equally wonderful. These girls were made just the way they are, to be individuals and it is not my job to change them. Even if it would make my job easier, it would certainly make her someone who she is not. And you know what? I just want her to be BQ. And her intense nature is part of who she is and I’m choosing to love it. The whole enchilada that makes her my little girl. I’m claiming the public meltdowns, the times when she refuses to smile at sweet little old ladies at Starbucks, the scream-fests when she’s sleep deprived, and the sass. You know why? Because I’m also claiming her kind words and fabulous manners, intelligence and creativity, beauty, gentleness, compassion, and great sense of humor. Why do we so easily want to claim the good and not the bad? My goodness, if my mom had only accepted my good qualities, I would have been up a creek!!! And, who is to say that what I think are “bad” qualities really are? They simply aren’t.
I love my daughter and I am going to give it one heck of a go to try and parent her in a way that directs and encourages rather than tries to reshape and remold. I don’t want her to be like my friend’s kid or even like her sister. I just want her to be my sweet BQ.