It’s Intense

Can I get a “what what” from anyone out there who has an intense child? If you are thinking to yourself, “hmm, do I,” than no, no you do not. My beautiful BQ has been intense since her first breath on this earth. I had no idea why she cried so much when she was a newborn, or refused to just “nap” in the stroller as I went about my business as other babies did. The more she grew and the more she developed as a person the more I finally understood why these early months were so difficult. She’s simply intense. She knows how she wants things done and is not afraid to express herself. Not completely unlike her mother. She likes order, structure, and what’s known. If the schedule is going to be thrown off, I better be on my game with a nice prep period so she knows what’s up. Itchy tag on a shirt, yep that’s gonna ruin the day. Socks that are “twisty twisty” yikes. A malfunctioning toy, goodnight head for the hills people it’s going to get ugly! She is intense. And somedays that intensity drives me quite close to insanity.

So what is a mother to do? How do we parent children who have personalities that at times can make them harder to parent? How do we not start to “prefer” the child who goes with the flow, wakes up smiling with kisses, and doesn’t cringe when we try to offer affection? For one, we work hard, and two we choose to celebrate. What I’ve decided is that I have two amazing little girls, very different little girls, but equally wonderful. These girls were made just the way they are, to be individuals and it is not my job to change them. Even if it would make my job easier, it would certainly make her someone who she is not. And you know what? I just want her to be BQ. And her intense nature is part of who she is and I’m choosing to love it. The whole enchilada that makes her my little girl. I’m claiming the public meltdowns, the times when she refuses to smile at sweet little old ladies at Starbucks, the scream-fests when she’s sleep deprived, and the sass. You know why? Because I’m also claiming her kind words and fabulous manners, intelligence and creativity, beauty, gentleness, compassion, and great sense of humor. Why do we so easily want to claim the good and not the bad? My goodness, if my mom had only accepted my good qualities, I would have been up a creek!!! And, who is to say that what I think are “bad” qualities really are? They simply aren’t.

I love my daughter and I am going to give it one heck of a go to try and parent her in a way that directs and encourages rather than tries to reshape and remold. I don’t want her to be like my friend’s kid or even like her sister. I just want her to be my sweet BQ.


8 thoughts on “It’s Intense

  1. Oh my. What what! and also What what!

    How is it that our children are so much alike? It’s scary, really. Except that Micah has become, as we say, radical. Her responses to everything is — AHHHHHHHH I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT! or AHHHHH ITS THE BEST THING EVER. But that’s probably more her age.

    Mia. Oh sweet Mia. I thought she’d made some real ground until today. When she freaked because MARK got Micah up from her nap instead of me. The nerve. I did the quiz on the Highly Sensitive Child… she got 21/23. Yikes.

    Thanks for this. So helpful. Such a good reminder as we are in the weeds if you will.

  2. Ahh, the intense child. I definitely have one of those. My sweet big girl is intense too, as you know. I keep thinking that intensity was given to her for a reason. I just know it will serve her well some day. Too bad that day is not today. Here’s hoping our intense little girls learn to channel this gift to make the world a better place. Miss you!

  3. Love this! This describes Lilly from the womb!!! I’m glad I’m not the only one and I love to hear you talk about loving her for her and not changing her. Well-meaning people often pray she will “mellow out” but I LOVE her passion and intensity! When she says “DON’T TOUCH ME!” to me when she doesn’t want a hug, we just pray she’ll be able to say that so strongly to any boy who comes near her when she’s a teenager ๐Ÿ™‚ And her determination to wear only tagless dresses with crocs every day will carry her really far if she applies it to other things in life! ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I laughed a lot and sent this link to my younger sister who was ALWAYS intense as a kid – I spent much of my childhood trying to keep her happy… “stop crying and being angry b/c it’s MY birthday, here, you can have all of my presents!, just please be happy!” – but she turned out amazing and compassionate and PASSIONATE for life and the people she loves, and is an awesome mom to like ten kids in south africa… and I’ve often envied her intensity! (however, she did pack her things and run away several times in early elementary school, so you might want to start preparing yourself for what’s to come!)

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