Do you ever feel like you just can’t catch up? There just doesn’t seem to be the time, or the caffeine to help you reach that place where you can, simply, exhale. I would just like to have a couple of hours to myself. That’s it. Not even an entire day, just a few hours. Some time off. I had two hours yesterday, to myself that is, and had the pleasure of spending it getting a permanent filling and temporary crown. Sweet. (can you get the thick layer of sarcasm that I’m spreading on here?) Then, I had an hour and half and I went to the store. That was actually quite enjoyable. But man would I love to find a way to really recharge my battery.
I think the thing you don’t realize before you become a mom is that there is no off switch. There isn’t ever a time when you aren’t “on.” Take right now, for example. The girls are asleep, my hubby is at work, and the house is quiet. Sounds great, right? It is, but the reality is I’m still trapped. I can’t run out for a cup of coffee, meet with a friend, or even turn my music up really, really loud. And when I do go to bed, I can’t put the humidifier on high and close the door, because I have to be alert in case I’m needed.
All of this being needed stuff makes me feel, well, spent. Drained. Used up. Empty. Done. I guess in the three years that I have been a mom and the 1 1/2 that I have been a resident’s wife, I have yet to figure out how to refill my tank. It sucks, because I know that if I can’t figure it out I will continue to run on fumes. I love our girls and I am so happy that we made the decision for me to go pro in the mom department. (I like to call it “going pro” since technically mothering is my current profession. And, let’s face it, it sounds pretty dang cool). But between my sweet hubby’s 80+ hour work weeks, living in a place where I still don’t feel settled or like I know people, and not having any childcare to speak of, it takes its toll.
So let me cut my lament because I want to get back to my point, which is, how do I refuel and how do I figure out how I refuel? Hmm…