You know that place where…I’m so there

And then it happened.  I am now the mother of a 1 year old.  Not only that but a 3 year old as well.  WHAT??  I no longer technically have a baby.  I’m not sure how I feel about it, to be honest.

BQ was a feisty baby.  Not a “bad” baby (hate that term) just colicky.  Reaching that first year point felt like a total victory.  We survived and better yet, SHE survived.  We could possibly handle taking care of another human being.  I think I also knew that we were going to have more children, so I didn’t really cling to BQ’s “babyhood.”  I was READY for her to move on.  This time, with Molé, it doesn’t feel the same.

We have no idea whether or not we will have more children, as if anyone ever does, and there is a big part of me that feels this is a time of lasts rather than firsts.  Did that make sense?  With BQ, everything was new and exciting and it was fine when it ended because I knew we’d do it again.  This time, I’m not so sure.  The first birthday means it’s the last first birthday.  The first steps, mean there won’t be anymore first steps…and on and on and on.  My heart feels a little bit achey.  That strange twinge, a dull ache, a restlessness.  

My sweet husband, oddly enough, is feeling the polar opposite.  He is pretty much thrilled that we no longer have a baby in the house and is super excited about what this next stage will bring.  In so many ways, I am right there with him.  This glass of wine is definitely part celebratory beverage…

Ahh, any of you felt this way?  Who knows, maybe it’s the frosting talking.  I did have three cupcakes.  

Happy birthday, Molé.  I love being your mommy.

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2 thoughts on “You know that place where…I’m so there

  1. I was thinking a couple of days ago that I will feel old when my boys are like 8 and 6, just because I won’t have a baby. Even though I’d still be young enough to have another baby. Something about having a baby makes you feel young, I think.

    I’m NOT saying you’re old. We’re not old yet! But when they’re 8 and 6, that will be weird…

    I also hate the term “bad” baby, and on the flip side, I hate it when people ask if my babies are “good” babies. Even if they are, I just reply with, “Yes, he’s an easy baby.” Sam’s not really an easy baby, but he’s still a good baby, and I love him…with ya, sister. People could pick better terms.

    It’s funny how I’ve been a little less concerned with Sam’s clothes getting stained this time because the chances of us using them again are so much lower now. (Although someone will use them in any case.)

  2. I feel the same, but I feel cheated because we didn’t get a “normal” year of firsts and after this year he will definately be our last. No more firsts for us…

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